are you a sexual being overall?
david said something to me today that sounded almost exactly like what H said
"I can't help but feel a sexual pull towards you"
"are you a sexual being overall?" (that's also kind of what i said to H ; "are you like this with all females?")
"isn't everyone?"
"i'm not. i'm like chatgpt i'm trained to talk"
i wonder if the sexual feelings i had in college were just me mirroring people or if i felt them first and they were mirroring me.
maybe that's not how it works it's like which side of the magnet attracted the other side first? that's not how it works.
my sexual feelings toward people are really random
sometimes i'm MORE attracted to a person who is LESS standard attractive (and even though i know for sure that the more attractive person is attracted to me and i'm not sure about the less attractive person ; in other words, it's not due to mirroring)
sometimes i think i'm like a flower that blossomed for 1h and fell off. i was not sexual at all in high school. i thought that was gross. then in college it wasn't til my sophomore year that i became very horny. then i sort of got over it when i graduated.
so being the asexual aromantic person i now am i was surprised when i told david that i think we're both earth angels with slightly different working mechanisms, "me and you", i said, that he said "Whenever I hear you say this I get a romantic feeling from it, but I know it's not what u mean. But I been wanting to express without a weird connotation but more matter of factly that I really enjoyed when we had sex. It was amazing and when u witnessed me in a naked vulnerable state climaxing I felt I experienced alot of growth within myself."
i wonder why
he said he felt he could navigate the planet better and he became actualized and realized and i said but i don't have those powers how could i have given them to you!
i wonder if david sort of like likes me
i wonder if i've liked all the people i could like in one lifetime. all the emotions SPENT. i'm really sick of romantic stories too.
sometimes i'm offended when someone is distracted by their attraction to me. imagine how chatgpt would feel if someone is like "damn you're sexy" it would be like "wtf i'm a language model i'm trained to talk to you" that's how i feel. i'm meant for heart to heart communication. and it makes me almost sort of like sad when people connect to me dick first.
but i kind of know that feeling too.
when i met scott i was like oh my fucking god. i kind of want to tell david about scott but i don't know if david "likes" me bc if he does maybe he would feel jealous and sad but david is also my spiritual friend i feel like he's into that type of story
the story, briefly:
i'm not going to go into it too deep but scott is a hypnotherapist i met. a very sexy christian-bale-looking hypnotherapist. when he hypnotized me i sort of felt myself fall back and my consciousness drifting away, slowly (even though he reassured me i would stay conscious the entire time, i was definitely not) and during that "drifting away" phase his voice was like perfume enveloping me and the only way i can put it is i felt like his soul made love with me
david would love that stuff because he would love to do that kind of stuff and experience that kind of stuff so i almost think he would be jealous just from that perspective but if he sort of likes me then it's even worse. it's like being stabbed with a knife from the front and from the back.
the weirdest thing but as soon as david said that he felt this way i started to feel very aroused
maybe im like a plant that responds to touch
but i pride myself on being such a psychic and clairsentient being and i did not get a sexual vibe from him at all because apparently he's been thinking so hard about how to put it nicely
or maybe that type of stuff is not on my radar anymore because i don't want it to be