being alone vs feeling alone
being alone and feeling alone are very different things
when i'm alone, i don't feel alone. (i used to, but not anymore)
feeling alone is all about feeling like no one "gets it" or no one is like you. and i certainly feel that no one in my life is like me or gets it.
i often feel like i'm the only one who wants to do the things i want to do. i want to read, write, horseback ride, sing, learn languages.
they're not such RARE or bizarre things. not at all. i just don't know anyone who likes these things.
maybe i would hate to share the same hobbies as other people? but these are NOT OBSCURE HOBBIES!!! if i wanted to be different i would've chosen bizarre hobbies. (but i do hate it when someone i hate reads. like i saw nina reading and i was like ew how dare she. reading actually makes her a tad less of a bünzli--well i guess it depends on what she reads--and i actually would just like for her to stay a total and utter BÜNZLI with no redeeming qualities. i almost feel like my pure love for reading is a virtue that is too holy to be shared with someone like her. also it makes me not trust this idea that i can trust people who read. like maybe i can't. then again, i'm almost certain she reads trash)
how do other people feel? i mean they're not identical copies of each other, either. but...why do people tell me that i'm "weird" or that they've never met someone like me? maybe it goes beyond hobbies...
i hate feeling alone but i love BEING alone. when i am alone i feel free to do whatever i want to do. i feel free to fantasize and my mind feels creative. it's simply wonderful.
//if your imagination is powerful enough you'll never want to do real things again. real things will only ever be done to supplement the imagination//
i just feel so relaxed when i'm by myself.