closeness
last night i told the norwegians about my 'spute with seb's parents and they told me that i was being selfish and i wasn't offended at all and thought that they were right
i feel we are so close
that they can tell me that and that i can be un-offended...
and i was right about them; i thought that they felt it was them against the world because they share consensus on the people in their lives, in that they both hate his family and they both hate her family as well and it's just them two together, all a-lonesome and so cute and sheltering each other from the storm of an otherwise harsh inhospitable world
they said it's exactly like that, but that it is not so good because it's like they're the weird ones...and that's why they don't want to go back to norway
and i said they just need to develop the narcissism that i have, where they think they're above everyone, or better yet -- that others are beneath them
and he said well it's true, that they're the cool ones.
and i liked that, the transition from "we're the weird ones" to "we're the cool ones"
there is a certain type of narcissism which i really enjoy, in myself and in others.
btw i feel repulsed by books that are romantic (except i really enjoyed "white nights" by dostoevsky) or feminist but i feel drawn to books that feature parties
the norwegians think that i'm actually an extrovert. they think i'm just shy, not introverted. they said whenever we hang out, i'm always happy to be around them. i said that's true. i do like to be around them. and i like to meet the other sailors here. i like to be in our boat, in the dark of night, huddled around our big table, comfy on our couches, and discussing fun things but i hate going to loud bars where i have to scream over people, and if i have to do that, then i don't want to see people at all. and there are many people who i don't like at all.
i feel like i'm very happy to be around people when the WAY in which we hang out is preferable to me -- i like fun discussions. i like jokes. i like laughter. i like coziness -- and when the people themselves are likable to me
but if i cannot find anyone i like, and if the circumstances are no fun, then i am very happy to be by myself as well. i will not compromise my idea of fun by hanging out with people i don't like, in situations that aren't enjoyable. i really like to read, write, listen to music, watch movies, listen to podcasts, run, do chores on my bicycle (trash run), and all these things i do on my own. and i enjoy it all
i guess the way i see it there are simply activities you enjoy and activities you don't enjoy. and a lot of the activities i enjoy are solo activities. but i also enjoy a variety of non-solo activities.
anyway it is interesting that i like to read about parties though lol
e said that i am a likable person and he's said this before but he said it again last night and that i'm just shy, but that i'm a lot of fun. and i said that he just thinks so because we are similar in the things we like to talk and do and he said that he thinks he has a pretty good grasp on general tastes and is sure that i am most people's cup of tea
he said i ask a lot of fun questions and those are the things that people remember, the fun discussions. and that i rarely talk about myself. i said i do talk about myself a lot. he said i talk about my ideas a lot but not about myself. he said he barely knows anything about me, after we've all hung out so many times. he said with other people, you can start to piece together their background story, but with me, i just talk about my ideas but not about my life. and this is true only because my life, in the present tense, is interesting in part because of them, so i don't need to tell them that, because they're there with me experiencing all the things with me. and my life, in the present tense, that is interesting sans them is the part that is about books and movies and no one wants to hear me talk about that.
my life in the past tense is not interesting except for the parties and the people and my dog but how can i talk about that with them? i just daydream about it.