comfort zone (what would you do if you had no fear?)

29 Sep, 2023

i would:

live alone (in a VW bus)
stalk my ex
read books, write books, write things in general
fantasize

(NIGHT&)DAYDREAMS:

i really need alone time. sailing/traveling together gives me none of that. i don't mind being in new places, because there is no ONE place for me anyway, but i mind not having infinite time to myself.

the idea of being alone...and guaranteed access to infinite alone time...thrills me.

it's been so long since i've felt a thrill, and it may be one of my favorite feelings.

i dreamt about a thrill:

i was stalking my ex.
and it was exhilarating.
i want to hide in a vw electric bus in disguise and look at him from afar with binoculars. i want to look at him from behind a bush or up on a hill through palm tree leaves.
but in a damn vw electric bus?! it is TOO conspicuous! i may need to do this via astro-projection. oh the thrill of getting to see...

i daydream about reading (ever since i discovered libby i feel like a millionaire) and writing fiction (personal fantasies) and nonfiction (thoughts) and going on walks and to cafés and sleeping in.

but god, how terrifying would it be to be asleep and to have your van broken into?

i want to be alone but i want to be safe, too.

i was actually planning on coming here to bitch but i find it easier to daydream here...this may be the right platform for me.

environment is everything to me.
influence is huge.
but not the kind of DIRECT influence that "influencers" are apparently so capable of.
my rebellious tendency makes me go the opposite direction.

colors and ambiance, sound, texture, smell...etc. are my influence *** sometimes i think that reading about how to do something is actually a form of procrastination. sometimes. like sometimes you already know. but i /kiiinda/ want to read about astral projection except i don't totally believe in it.

i want to read about how to just lie down and start fantasizing about stuff like nonstop.

i want to sit in a van and just block out the light completely and just write.

mmmm yes...

i wonder if reading helps with imagination. because i can finally imagine again.