(embarrassing) meaning of life
I have a thought About the meaning of life Ppl act like this is some unsolvable thing but it’s kinda easy
The idea we can define or DECLARE our meaning of life is just wrong. We don’t define it Say I defined mine as like being a good friend. Or something. Being a good ice skater That doesn’t mean that shit motivates me You can say it is whatever you like but it doesn’t mean that’s how you feel about it The meaning of our own lives is not something we define It’s something we feel out We just have to watch our impulses and see what gives us energy to do stuff if god himself said 'your meaning of life is doing jumping jacks' you'd have to check with your feelings to see if that's true
And it’ll be something irrational and random — it has to be, that’s the subjectivity of it, there’s no logical right or wrong to it And it’s like reading braille. You just have to feel it out and do it. It’s not a theory. It’s a posteriori stuff
The meaning has to make it so that the annoying tedious shit about life is worth it. like you're waiting in line at disney. why? (the why is the meaning) because you're excited to ride indiana jones. that's the meaning of life. it's the thing that makes the tedious stuff worth doing. because you're doing it as a means to do your random meaning thing. meaning of life is kinda like the objective in a game. the objective is not why you're playing the game. you're playing for the entire experience. the objective is just some phony carrot that gives you something to tinker with in the game.
but our meaning of life could be something that actually embarrasses us that's the surprising thing the thing that totally fucking drives you everyday could be so fucking embarrassing to you
i've been afraid to live because i'm embarrassed of my meaning of life
//
i'm an agnostic hopeful
i hope for the magical beautiful things
i imagine we're going to an afterparty after this
it's like a theatre production
afterwards we go offstage take off our costumes and makeup and drink and be merry