god incarnated to have a chance at failure
Last night I was lucid dreaming. But lucid dreaming is boring because lucid dreaming is omnipotence and omnipotence is godly but boring because life is only fun because there are CONSEQUENCES. Unpredictable ones sometimes, even. Losses. The potential to fail.
Intellectual discussion withOUT application: is it even intelligent? How would we know if it wasn’t? Reality will never bite back push back and say ‘you’re wrong’. By definition, not applying means that reality can never deny you. The chance to be denied, refused and laughed at is crucial.
That’s why makeup and outfits are exciting. People see you. And you provoke a response. The consequence of bad makeup/clothing is that people think you’re gaudy tasteless cheap or even ugly.
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Im so eager to live life.
Getting cancer is like being robbed at gun point. You suddenly remember there is a lot you haven’t done that you still want to do. Even things that you thought didn’t fit your brand. Maybe especially those things. You think: let me taste the WHOLE rainbow! The thrill that came over me when I realized I’m allowed to take creatine and buy silly things online…
(Just once!! I don’t want to abandon my morals completely but just once I want to know what it’s like to order shit from 🤬 and 🤬. I want to know what it’s like to do something that other people let themselves do that my high horse — a giraffe, really — couldn’t bend down far enough to reach)
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Counting sets and reps at the gym is more life-living than reading a book.
A book is guided thinking.
And thinking is….well I suppose some people should do it a little more but I overdosed.
But a part of me panics and goes oh no am I stupid now? Am I a gym girl/makeup girl/pop star without the fame or songs or ability to let alone dance but WALK in high heels? 👠
But even Nietzsche said that life is in the body and that cosmic truth isn’t out there in the universe hidden in abstraction (I don’t say that to mean: and everything he says is true, but to let it be known that my side is at least two ✌🏼strong)
So lately I’ve been living on the dimension that cats dogs and frogs can also perceive.