have you ever been in love?
I used to think I had maybe fallen in love but it turned out I was just fascinated by the magic of telepathy.
When someone seems to know exactly what you mean even when you’re being curt or cryptic and not only do they see inside your mind and heart but it’s like their mind and hearts are composed of similar material
--> narcissism?? gazing out and loving that which looks like yourself/myself?!
yes in fact I believe it was narcissism.
Nothing was more erotic or captivating than being told that I am the "female version" of someone or that we were the same "brand of weird" by a mutual friend. I liked to be lumped together in the same category, or better yet, to be seen as a sort of soul twin as someone.
and so now I think I have never experienced being In Love but I like it when people are Nice to me and I like to be around people who I want to be Nice to back
I had a dream the other night about a boy from high school who was Nice to me. Actually he looked like a young Leonardo DiCaprio -- he was very cute -- but he was also very goofy and high school kids liked to take themselves so seriously that a good-looking person who is also goofy was therefore branded a goof and not a Potential Crush.
(his name is Ryan Brown, the most ordinary of names and therefore discouraging to find)
And I thought: maybe I am in love with figures from the past who had once been Nice to me. And because he was so nice to me, and now that I awakened in myself a desire to be Nice to someone back, I now register that person from my past as someone who I could've loved, had I had the mental state then that I do now.