I feel like a teenager.
If facial recognition works in the dark then they can also see you masturbating in the dark
I feel like a teenager again
Is it due to reading actual children’s novels? Not just going to the YA level but even further back? So as to compensate for age? Like the age of children’s novels plus my age divided by two.
Equals teens.
Yes.
What makes me feel like a teenager:
- being excited about stuff. I’m really excited about books right now. I was once this excited about tumblr. Right now it’s books. It’s these little secrets of books. As I get into a thing I always discovers special angles of seeing it and lately I find that books have colors palettes. Not all books but some books have palettes. They talk about colors in a way that paints a mood. I love those kinds of books. I love that I noticed this. I first saw it with Sylvia Plath. And I saw it done supremely well with Weetzie bat. Weetzie bat is my ideal secret stripper name.
- being in an art vibe. I was really into, as I mentioned, tumblr back in the days. I was also into drawing and painting and playing the piano and listening to music and discovering music. That sort of stuff makes me feel like I’m a teenager. (Whereas playin outside and catching bugs and fish makes me feel like a kid. Summer nights. Summer sunsets. Summer rains when it’s not so hot outside and it’s shaded everywhere by clouds. I feel like a kid lately too) in every happy stage of my life I am experiencing some sort of self-actualization of a love and a talent in art and it spills into I guess some sort of recognition and appreciation from others. Most notably in college I was really into makeup and everyone thought I was gorgeous. Not gorgeous in the way that instagram people are now considered beautiful but gorgeous in this sort of…I guess French way. Like half undone. Balayage and Smokey eyes sort of thing. I think that’s when I was noticed the most. But then I went through a phase — I suppose I am still in it — when people found that I had a lot to say and that I’m a little different than other people. I don’t know how and I don’t know what they mean by it. But I do have a lot of thoughts and I think about things that other people don’t think about. These thoughts just come to me. Like the color palette type of writer and color palette writing as a technique. Just turning writing itself into a fine art experience.
- no one is around to tell me not to be a teenager
- I realized I can listen to whatever And watch whatever and read whatever
- I feel happy to be in this world because even though there are bad things going on in it, there are things that are so beautiful. Like books and literary magazines. And music and food. And the art of cooking.
- I’m expanding and discovering myself and my skills and going through this sort of “blossoming” and I’m surprised by my own skills. The taste of those baked fish tonight. Wow. My languages. My languages.
- my languages. When I was a teenager and during the happy times of my life thereafter, languages were a big occupation of mine. I loved learning languages and I think I am either happier when I learn languages or I am happy therefore I learn languages I don’t know but I’ve realized lately more about how I want to go about it. I want to fortify my existing strong languages. I have no plans to seriously learn anything else. But I’m always up for some tourist or restaurant language. With Indonesian I picked it up so naturally that if I were to continue learning it naturally — which is the only way I want to learn it really, I’ve never learned any language quite this way before but I love it and it’s my unique thing with Indonesia because every word is earned and imbued with one specific event and memory.
- I guess in many ways the essence of my true self has remained this whole time but I got better at the things I always loved and I love them therefore so deeply now.
- I feel somehow that I am learning about myself and growing into myself and growing wiser too. More gentle and resilient.
Well in the end a lot of being a teenager is about having fun and prioritizing fun and seeking out novel experiences and new understandings of the world and self and forming tastes and expanding tastes and enjoying music and books and movies and food. Enjoy. Enjoy. That’s a teenager thing. I feel like a teenager and I want to stay a teenager. Like a child or a teenager.
When I was a teenager I had a lot of secrets. Tumblr was my secret. Studying Japanese was my secret. Secretly loving having to learn French in school was my secret. My music discovery was my secret. Matt was my secret.
The boy I started messaging online was my secret. What a fun secret.
Having so much excitement and joy and passion and no one to tell it to feels like me being a teenager again
And it’s good times
Summer feels like a teenager time. It’s the time that most resonates with the feeling of being a teenager whereas all other seasons were society trying to force early onset adulthood.
I like spring and summer.
I think it’s funny how I always go back to art.
Art is the purified concentrated way to have fun.