music & people who remind you of past loves
i spent the day discovering music.
there was so much wind last night that none of us slept well. i was so anxious that when i listened to my nightly meditation and when it said "now you feel your face relaxing" i thought "no i don't feel this at all!! i'm trying so hard to relax my face but it's not happening!!"
so last i checked, it was 4am. and i don't know how much longer it took to fall asleep
and it continued being windy all day so i was too tired to fight the wind to go outside
and i spent the day discovering music -- i have this fear that there is great music out there that i'd miss out on unless i discovered a method for discovering music. i used to feel the same way about books but lately i feel i've gotten good at finding books.
maybe part of it is about discovering my taste. i think it was 50% discovery of what's out there and 50% discovering what i enjoy. i have branches of books i could tap into now if i am in need of reading material. i don't have fomo about books anymore.
i think i'm trying to tap into something similar with music
with books, i feel i know what i like. with music i feel like i only have a vague idea.
i discovered "clean" by The Japanese House earlier today through a playlist from Danny
in the clean light you cast
i was good
i like how the words and the music fit together
it's soft and romantic and dreamy and wistful
(books made me more interested in lyrics i think ; and in reverse, lyrics made me more open to poetry i think)
two of the songs i discovered today have lyrics that don't make much sense and so they act sort of like Rorschach inkblots...
i really want to "get into" poetry...befriend it and enjoy it and wield it because i think poetry is to prose as bouldering is to sport climbing. poetry is highly concentrated skillful prose
anyway i actually quite like those lyrics with unclear meanings
i am really in love with "come down to us" by burial
the layers work together in such a poignant way for me
PEOPLE WHO REMIND YOU OF PEOPLE YOU USED TO LOVE
i realized the other day that patrick beach reminds me of danny and that g eazy reminds me of s & j
and today, watching that youtuber who talks about stoic philosophy all the time ("accepting the universe") i realized he looks like h to me...and the things he's talking about are the distillations of the things that h told me...the things that i enjoyed listening to
it's as though i've tuned into the aspects of him i most enjoy and attracted to me the version of him that i can safely enjoy in the way i wished for
i really love patrick beach and i like everything i've heard from "accepting the universe" and i feel that loving them in the open is loving the people they remind me of in secret.
but there are things i like about patrick beach which are unique to patrick beach ; there's definitely an aspect to danny which is completely untapped by patrick beach too...namely the music aspect
maybe i'm trying to be so good at finding music to replace the hole he introduced in me when he introduced me to music
today i thought: if only there was a podcast that was sort of like a "music listening hangout session" where a guy talks to you about new songs he's been enjoying and the specific elements he most enjoys and then plays snippets of the songs to illustrate those elements and then plays the song in entirety and he goes through like maybe 10 songs in one episode one by one
i thought of this thinking directly of danny
that's what we did together
we showed each other music and hung out
i'm enjoying discovering my own music tastes
i feel like i'm always in some discovery phase
lately i feel like it's so unimportant to learn things...like why stuff our brains with all these things? i used to be so curious and i wanted to know things
now i am curious in a different way
i want to experience
the other thing about music and books is that...
while there are michelin star dishes you will never be able to taste (just getting to the restaurant is a journey), 5 star hotels you will never visit, couture clothing you will never visit because of the cost...
you have within your resourceful reach (almost all of) the best music and books ever recorded/documented
(movies too but movies are such a recent phenomena that this is hardly surprising)
i like the idea that the best of music is out there for me to listen to, right now, for free.