norwegian neighbors
less than 6 hours of sleep
god i just cannot sleep next to sebastian -- i kept tossing and turning and had to go to the saloon to sleep on the couch and i checked the time and it was 3am
and i said "i have to sleep on the couch from now on"
he said "that sucks. it was nice having an office to work in"
which is rude because he (1) assumed i was going to make a bed out of the couch which i wasn't, i was literally sleeping on the couch and (2) he didn't feel sorry for me that i got like 6hr of sleep
SEE? expectations suck. I HAVE TO FILL MY OWN FUCKING CUP. because i'm let down by people.
but speaking of people, last night we hung out with our neighbors the norwegians all night (until like 11pm) and it was fun and it felt like a sort of meditation or a different world because they completely brought us into their line of thinking
like they think in this really abundant way like remote jobs are out there.
and they're doing the thing that i now think i want to do. they live on the sailboat and work
i think this is the way to sail without anxiety...
to have an income.
and they told us to just ask the old people around us for help, because that's how they get help. and it was all such a revelation!!
and he was telling us about how he used to be a pro thai boxer and what that's like and i feel like we think about similar stuff. like spirituality, culture, the way we do things in life, life philosophy...etc.
i feel like after a while he and i did all the talking and i kept trying to get the girl back in but i knew that sebastian was basically hopeless in this discussion
every time they talked about sailing my mind glazed over.
also, in their world, meditation is as rudimentary and important as sleep or exercise. voilà , the solution to my anxiety, except i am really scared of meditation. it is so damn boring.
i need to look into that. like, why i am so damn scared of it. but i won't force myself to meditate.
honestly, all the healing i did recently... i don't know if i'd have been able to achieve all that through meditation. books were the only way to do it so effectively and rapidly, because the healing was based on new beliefs (for ex: seeing that people do feel the things i feel) and new mindsets (for ex: why do you have to make a living from your art? you can get a steady, easy day job and do your art with no guilt on the side!)
so i won't force anything. now it is the time to read.
but while it was fun to talk and helpful to get new ideas, once i got home to our "cottage" (the boat) i couldn't help but wish that i was there all night, curled up on the couch, watching youtube and reading
one thing he said made me feel so good
they were saying that in norway you basically get paid to study and i was like woww that's amazing i am so jealous
he said that when they have this discussion with americans, they always go "this is how we should do it in the US!" and that what they don't realize is that it works for norway because they got all that oil money to split between a small number of people...
and that before the discovery of this oil in the 60's they were a "potato country" just poor as heck
and i was like OH!
and i saw the expansiveness of time and the recentness of the 60's and i was no longer jealous, at all! i felt fully at peace.
i think: it IS time that the norwegians catch a break. it must be cold and hard to live up there.
plus i also feel less jealous because i think that this non-renewable resource will run out and well, what then? what will happen to them?