revelation of purpose
perhaps it was my ego, but i always thought that there was only one way that anyone could become anyone:
through the discovery of a hidden but unmistakable talent, upon whose discovery all meaning of life will be revealed, all service to community will be realized. you will no longer ask "why am i here? what do i do for the people?" you will know: "this is the one thing i am good at, and this is the one thing i will do. i am damn good at it, it is as though god had planted me here just to blossom into the full power of this gift"
and this gift shall feed you and shall feed those around you.
i waited for this reveal for so long that i had gotten distracted and sought something else instead. it was not for my ego, but for my heart.
i sought healing and joy. maybe it is redundant to say both "healing" AND "joy", because is not joy the natural result of a fully healed person?
and i realized that it is not a gift that i've uncovered, but a method of healing.
and i was so taken aback by this surprise method of healing that i want to take it upon myself to find a way to learn this method of healing so that i can pass it on to someone else
in other words: the talent didn't burst out of me like a revelation. i chose to cultivate it because i believe in its power.