sylvia plath
i was just about to say stuff but then E came and talked about a bunch of stuff with me
lol
anyway
i wanted to say that writing autoficion/semi-autobiographies/straight-up autobiographies is super dangerous!! because it makes you feel bad when there is nothing going on in your life that is "interesting" enough to be written & read about
that's why i have to lean heavy on fiction and not feel bad
also i've been reading sylvia plath (the bell jar and her diary and ariel -- the bell jar is witty and fun [ok it's witty and fun for the first half] and her poetry makes me like poetry and her diary is so fucking good; she must just be pullin this shit out of her nilly willy, like it's the raw material that comes out of her because who works hard on a diary?) and i am simultaneously amused by and jealous of her Plathian similes and Sylvian rhythm. she writes beautifully without compromising any humor and she has a rebellious yet good-girl character -- like she's secretly rebellious but pretends to be a good girl most of the time except when she's intentionally trying to be a dick. i LOVE IT! i read a review saying that the protagonist in the bell jar isn't likable but i really like her, maybe i'm not likable then, because i am like her.
(E keeps insisting my lovability and he is helping me gain the self-confidence i never had)
and now that i have seen her writing i feel so unnatural and stilted in my own writing -- i half want to be her, knowing i can't, and half forgot how i write
i'll get it back, i have to be positive
debating whether to finish reading "liveblog" by megan boyle -- i am regretful that i bought it but if i hadn't, i'd have been curious but i don't like it because it is whiny and not positive and that kind of stuff can really drag you down
but she is also really hilarious and original
she has her own boylian logic
what do i have??
i have something too, i'm sure
i want to tell you more about E, i think
so he came and i kept on tying myself to obligations that i didn't want to invite any of us to, but half chickening out in the invitation itself
i kept on saying things like: "did T tell you about the murder mystery dinner idea? well i've never done it before so maybe it's no fun at all but" and he said "well you can try any of your ideas on us" in a way that said like, "we will go into the dark with you" and he said i can go over to them for dinner when S is gone and i said "i actually wanted to invite you guys here but now that i've experienced your cooking, i am ashamed" and he said "we like anything" and i said "well i am embarrassed"
the words just kept flying out of my mouth out of either nervousness or a premeditated subconscious plan to do the things i've really wanted to do, which is a murder mystery dinner. but now it's on me to figure out how to do it.
i have more things to say about E you guys but where to begin?