talent is a subconscious thing
Craft is conscious but talent is subconscious and the subconscious is built through emotions and impressions and probably a bunch of stuff we don’t know about
Dreams are a gateway to the subconscious. I dream about music often. In my dreams I hear songs with the words and melody and I find the songs so beautiful and I know, even in the dream, that I somehow made those songs but when I wake up I can’t remember them at all
That’s called conscious resistance
The equation goes like this:
Voltage ÷ Resistance = Current
(This is a real equation)
voltage is urge to do. Urges come from the subconscious.
Resistance is a second-thought, counter-pressure. I think resistance can also be subconscious but it can also be conscious.
Current is the outpour or the actual product flow.
Right now I am producing these ideas. They appear to me ready-made, I have to just record them.
But I feel there are also songs in me
But they don’t birth themselves because they don’t have the suitable environment to be birthed. Creative feelings oriented things are like that. They like for you to be alone so that they can come into this world without worrying about how vulnerable they are. They are fragile. They are born into hermetically sealed rooms. Special intense care units. Only when you get them really strong and clothed do you get to take them out.
The other thing is stories. These feel personal and emotional too. Vulnerable. They are the same. These are so much on the back burner now I don’t even get emotional dreams. And then..a short but potent passage from le petit prince makes me cry. It’s like there are no defenses then. Less than when I am in the act of expressing.
It was the lines “les fleures sont faibles. Elles sont naives. Elles se rassurent comme elles peuvent. Elles se croient terribles avec leurs épines…“
I think I cried because I feel like these flowers.
When I look back I think: that wasn’t worth worrying. That either. Just enjoy yourself the best you can. Whenever you find yourself worrying, try to have fun instead.
What voices tell me to worry?
- “you should be learning boat mechanics. You should be better at boat mechanics”
- “you should be doing something standardized with your writing. Blogging doesn’t count. You need to be producing something that people can recognize as a product or work”
- “your only value is that of a creative. So you have to create something creative and wonderful. This is your only chance”
Let me go consult my lawyer and see what they say:
- my client did not sign up to be a boat mechanic. My client took up sailing to sail. This was not part of the contract. She is already going beyond her contract to help
- the pressure to produce for the sake of production is not conducive to needful or enjoyable products. It creates a world of busyness and waste. Unnecessary consumption. My client refuses to participate in this. She believes in art for art. She believes that art that should come will come of its own volition and the form it takes and whether that’s considered something of value, whether you call it art or not, is a matter of personal perception. But objectively speaking, any sort of expression is a form of output.
- my client has already delighted people with her creative insights, thereby showing her alleged “worth” — but more than a person with creative insights, or creative output, is there nothing which measures a person’s values? What is the value of a flower? To smell good? To bring pleasure to the nose and eyes? To be soft to be touched to be used in metaphors in poetry and prose in le petit prince? Would a flower have no value then, in the absence of a recipient of its beauty?
Can I allow myself to tune in to the thing I do best? Can I allow myself to exist without forcing anything? To wait for urges to give me instruction? Can I allow myself to exist in the absence of a recipient, or a person to service?
I’ve been petting cats in Greece
They are so cuddly and sweet. I trust places where the cats trust people.
Because it means people earned their trust. People didn’t do anything to betray their trust.
Indonesia had even sluttier cats than Greece. And how was Indonesia? The loveliest place in terms of energy and love. It was pure love. It’s a distant memory now, merely two and a half months later, but if I really tune into the energy of Indonesia, I feel loving. I feel like I’m doing the loving kindness meditation but it’s more powerful because it’s not forced. It’s substantial and grounded in true urge. Indonesia gives me the urge to love.
When I pet the cats on their heads and rub their necks and chins, they close their eyes and soften into my hands
They give themselves over to enjoyment
And there I’ve become a giver of enjoyment.
Oh why is it so important to me to be a giver of enjoyment? Why is this an insecurity of mine?
Well I’m sure it has a lot to do with feeling unlovable deep down
How can I turn that feeling around?
How can I feel so full of love that I don’t care about giving enjoyment to others? I wish I can just naturally radiate the type of energy which can infect people into a relaxed happiness from which they can benefit. I wish my aura could be so strong and powerful that when people are around me, they are enveloped in my relaxation and contented curious excitements and love for life and love for nature and animals and love for people too
I would love to exude that
I want it to infect animals too
What is the thing you do best at that brings you a lot of happiness and enjoyment?
Singing?
I don’t know about happiness but it relieves pain in the most exquisite way. It’s opium
Cooking?
I do enjoy my food and I’m improving but am I THAT good?
The thing I wow myself in is painting. But I feel so bad about painting because it’s bad for the environment and I can’t bring myself to do it
Dreaming? Having insights? Writing down and expressing my insights?
My writing provides me with relief and revelations and council and direction. My writing is my own right hand man. My trusted advisor. My writing is a way for me to flex how easily I can express my ideas. It’s a way for me to practice expressing my voice. It’s a comforting place. Whenever I have a problem I think “don’t worry. We’ll write later and the answers will all come then” and “as long as I can write about it I am fine” I love my insights which come easily to me and which are so fun and entertaining too. It’s the type of stuff that YouTubers are desperately trying to crank out but it’s genuine good stuff. Good observations and astute remarks.
I guess I like to contemplate or I like for my subconscious to stream to me a flow of ideas and I’m good at this and I enjoy this