the evolution of (my) taste
(books)
2023:
heat of summer
- asian american biographies and memoirs (crying in h mart & stay true & The Magical Language of Others)
- japanese/korean contemporary works -- including japanese magical realism and korean sci-fi (what you're looking for is in the library & i want to die but i want to eat tteokbokki & I'm Waiting for You: And Other Stories & walking practice)
- books about how to be a writer/artist (ew ew ew; the creative act or something, it's partially true but also partially so full of wishful thinking)
tail-end of summer
- contemporary works in general, especially alt-lit (sheila heti, tao lin, megan boyle, jordan castro, mike kleine)
- sylvia plath
2024:
right before/during indonesia
- deep history (but i did not find the writing style to be enjoyable at all; let's say i tried to find something along these lines and did not find anything) -- i kept wondering like, who invented books? <-- i think i'd still like to read about this type of thing
(i also tried to get into biological science writing, like An Immense World but just found the writing to be poor) <-- maybe i will give it another try? idk\ - anything humorous/light where the aim is primarily JOY and SILLINESS (cd payne)
after indonesia
- anthropology
- history of muhammed
- indonesian semi-autobiography
- geo-politics
- american literature for some reason (maybe i was influenced by that wallace johnson or whatever her name is)
now
- sci-fi (especially with satirical commentary on capitalism, machines and climate)
- literary fiction/classics (oscar wilde, virginia woolf, shakespeare, EM forster, antoine de saint-éxupery, jules verne...etc)
- aesthetic works, still drawing on that "anything humorous/light where the aim is primarily joy and silliness" philosophy of life, but reaching beyond laughter and touching poetry and physical beauty (francesca lia block; and i'd say that also jules verne can be very aesthetically powerful...proust would be in this category as well)
- world literature (nigerian, icelandic...etc.)
- and as always, magical realism or anything really inventive and special and distinguished
- ah yes and anything that makes me feel like a kid again too (moomin, le petit prince, fairytales)
i feel like specifically,
indonesia awakened an interest in a pre-civilization style of living and made me interested in anarchism, capitalism (specifically the critique of it), environmentalism
lovestar made me really interested in the potential of sci-fi ; it spoke to my misgivings and private anxieties about the world which i experienced after indonesia, it understood my feelings and concerns and gave me hope (i guess this discovery made me think like, ah, maybe there are other books out there like this...)
andy africa -- which i discovered through some list about african literature, made me interested in PEOPLE'S INNER LIVES!!! it's the first book i read where i didn't really fit the demographic of the narrator but still felt such a strong connection and it made me really enjoy a strong feeling of empathy. it was enjoyable to be so close to andy -- i think this is what turned me on to classics actually, because i know that classics often have this potential
my interests about deep history and cultural history and intellectual history have sorta subsided
i wonder if indonesia cured it with firsthand experience
i used to be really into:
- things written by artists (van gogh, chopin, andy warhol, i guess even patti smith but this is more of a coincidence, as she doesn't fit that genre really; ah, and david chang)
- outdoor sports memoirs/biographies (and running memoirs: what i talk about when i talk about running; marathon woman) such as the lost city of z, the push, and that guy who biked from england to south africa
- spiritual stuff -- lucid dreaming, past life regression
my life now resembles that, i feel i'm magically living that outdoor sports life with a lot of art (sailing in the mediterranean! reading literature, listening to music, eating food)
now i think i could get into food writing -- this type of interest is usually about wanting to be inspired into action
i feel like, i was interested in topics before. lately i've been in a bit of "i don't want to know a single more thing about this world" mood after my disillusion with capitalism and the environment and blahblah
and i think i now read to seek aesthetic pleasures through literary fiction
i feel i will once again be interested in knowing about some topic, but this new desire for literary pleasures is a desire in and of itself, which has nothing to do with learning, but with a certain category of experience which i feel is somewhat new for me.
i feel i now have the kind of taste that one can be proud of -- this seems kind of toxic but maybe it's not
i think i wanted to be into certain writings in the past. i thought that's who i was. but it wasn't. like the neo-jungian things (women who run with the wolves and artemis by bolenne or something) they really annoy me. i thought that's who i was and what i was into but it was like i didn't actually know, i was just guessing who i was. (i do like jung though) and spiritual things in general are my thing to a certain extent but--uh definitely not the vast majority of spiritual texts out there
anyway it feels like i discovered myself somehow
books feel to me like one's insides and it feels like i can see my insides
vaguely
or at least i know what makes my insides feel good
i have a strong feeling of "i'm interested in this" (or not) when i'm looking for new books to read
it's weird but i always wanted to like sci-fi, i thought all the cool people are into sci-fi. and now i really am. and the sci-fi i'm into is even cooler than the sum of what i thought existed
sci-fi people remind me of anime/manga people: passionate
i feel like reading actually makes you discover yourself because as you read, you are constantly checking in with your feelings like: do i like this, do i want to continue this?
and then maybe patterns emerge
a reading list is as archival and diaristic as a music playlist
and you know why you like certain things...
like tribulations d'un chinois en chine pinpoints such a specific feeling within myself...this sort of privileged ennuie...it addresses it and "understands" it
it's like when someone gets you before you've even told them anything. they see through you. they know this thing they know this condition
it's how h made me feel
(my writing/thoughts are scattered because i'm trying to figure this out as i say it, my feelings are so nebulous but i know i'm trying to understand something)
and reading is an honest experience. i wouldn't be reading it if i actually felt a connection. it's hard to force yourself to read something you just can't get into.
i think reading helps you also understand the emerging trends and passing phases of your life
like my obsession with the environment and anti-capitalism evolved from pure despair to hope, but i am still looking for some "sympathy" in the form of feeling like AHA YOU GET IT
(EM Forster & Jules Verne both seem to get it; and of course LoveStar gets it)
reading is a gauge like that
reading andy africa fulfilled a bit of that romantic/erotic void which i'd been trying to fill since graduating uni
but also helped me move beyond it. at the very same time. it gave me that but it also helped me see bigger and get outside of myself and see the world.
and it is also ultimately hopeful i feel
in a sort of lovestar, em forster way
such a perfect book for me at just the right time (after coming back from indonesia i was way more receptive to learning about the world and history and impact of colonization)
and then your search for books, sort of like, knowing what you're looking for...that's such an intimate, "self-knowing" thing too.