thoughts about art
today was a creative day
i've been working on something and i feel good about it
a little part of me is doubtful. but a bigger part of me is sure.
i don't know why.
i don't know where my confidence came from.
i actually really hope to be able to share my creation with the readers of the blog (i think i have 2? thank you guys)
i used music to fuel my creativity today. i am a bit music'd out.
i really enjoy creating and discovering new theories for myself, you know? like today i realized that there is not such a great distinction between music and books and movies.
lana del rey draws on movies to create characters and storylines and she uses poetry/literature to fuel her lyrics.
me, i am inspired by rap music, classical music, pop music, indie music, indie films, alt-lit (like tao lin, megan boyle, jordan castro, marie calloway), classical lit (dostoevsky, dante, proust), modern lit (sylvia plath, mulk raj anand), erika lee sears/sari shryack paintings (motifs like mcdonalds and candy) and so on
i enjoy the topic of sex and romance and promiscuity and connection (or lack thereof)
a question/topic i've been thinking about is: is it so wrong to be promiscuous? can't we enjoy promiscuity the way we enjoy adventurousness?
is skydiving better than having a one-night stand?
there is no such thing as a promiscuous man, unless he's gay; the straight man is just a hero or a virgin
and i'm not saying that we need to praise women for promiscuity, but to allow them the choice?
and i'm not saying i'm a feminist. because i don't know what that means. i don't understand the ideals that people who call themselves "feminist" talk about. i don't know if i want the same ideals. so i don't want to talk about that word
but this is something i've been thinking about lately:
i'm thinking about the intersection between poetry and prose, short stories (as in, moments) and novels (as in, plot)
i'm thinking about vibes vs problem-solving (which is what i believe plot is)
oh i wonder how relatable i am
i suppose not very
the things i think about, is anyone else thinking about them?
i was reading sylvia plath's journal and her thoughts are extremely relatable. is that the key to success? have relatable thoughts and formulate them creatively and beautifully?
do you guys remember when i was really invested in my new budding relationship with the norwegian girl?
well they are soon moving to france
and i somehow get the feeling that she doesn't really want to hang out with me anymore because she never talks about hanging out anymore
but then again the weather has been shit and she has seasonal depression and i've been barricading myself in my boat, writing
but nonetheless i've been feeling a riff between us
when i first met her, i thought she was a creative like me. but i think while she isn't entirely uncreative, she is sadly mentally occupied with too much schoolwork and worries
yeah she seems worried. about moving and school. and seasonal depression.
i made a big boo boo when i said that i am always manic. that that's my natural state, and that i cry once in a while but i enjoy that too, manically.
and she said that's good, because then i can cheer people up
i said um no more like they bring me down, and i acted like i'm allergic to depressed people
and i think she's been keeping herself at a distance because of it
i don't know
no i think they're just busy
i'm overthinking