time to do what i want to do
i kind of feel like our friends here constantly let us down. in the sense that they are always too busy and they're going to bed so early and trying to wake up at 6am...they're chasing something and it feels like we're not it. and i wonder: what is it that they want?
one of them is trying to look for jobs and i feel she's looking for low-paying positions and asking herself why they're so low-paying and she's so far away from doing what she wants to do
then i look at myself and i wonder what it is i want to do
when i came back from indonesia i was in such a good mood -- i thought yes, i'm going to enjoy the fruit that is human socialization! but i just hate socializing here to be honest: i am bored by the conversations.
it's a lot about the concrete facts of boat work. it's almost like we do jobs for no money and we talk about the jobs after work...
and they don't seem happy, they seem stressed.
and hanging out with them is dragging me down.
i don't even talk to sebastian anymore. his youtube watching has taken over completely.
so in the absence of substantial nourishing human connection i'm going to work on the thing i've been wanting to work on, by myself.
it's so disappointing being in "the industrialized world" -- i try to enjoy human interaction here but i just feel like people are so lost...they don't know what's important and they don't know how to be happy and they are a drag to be around.
when i'm in the industrialized world, i turn completely inward and fill myself with my own hobbies and projects. ok maybe this is good too in a way. i believe in all things being somehow secretly good.